Vodka & Friendship

Have you ever been out with friends or a significant other and noticed people dining alone? Or been to the movies and been envious of the person sitting alone with a large popcorn and they don't have to share? I'm going to be this person. I've never been that independent. The nature of my personality lends itself to doing things with someone. Even walking I've got my dog by my side. I've come a long way from being very co-dependent to more independent over the last 4 years. But I'm not where I want to be. And here's the sad thing, I don't think I enjoy my own company. I don't like myself enough to spend time with myself. I prefer to hang with my buddies-but even this is a crutch I use for a distraction. If I make myself busy enough, I don't need to spend time just me, myself and I. So, it's time for a little experiment. A little journey on the path to self love and getting to know myself more, while increasing my independence. And why not

Addicted. The one word I could use to sum up an ongoing love affair with online dating. I remember when I was with my significant other, (waaaaaaay back in 2012) I would say, "If we broke up, would you try online dating?" Even back then, when it was starting to become the norm, I thought of it as taboo. Why would anyone want to meet a stranger off the internet? How scary could it be? How weird would it be? How DESPERATE would it be? Of course, flash forward to just this past year, I was still doing the online dating gig. It would be TERRIBLE, and I'd delete all the apps (why limit myself to one?!) and cry into my pillow, or some sort of carbohydrate, in order to make myself feel worthy.  After a couple months, or a couple weeks....heck, even a couple minutes, I would think , "OK, I'll try this again. This time it will be different. This time I won't invest so much. This time I'll act THIS way or this time I'll act THAT way." All a ploy to