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Isolation

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There comes a time in everyone’s life where they feel like they would love to “stop the world” and just get off for a while.

To reset.
To shift your focus.

Wouldn’t that be nice? Just to stop the world for a moment and gather our thoughts? If you’re like me and lead a busy life, (too busy at times) I would often say this to myself and think life might be a littler easier than the crazy schedule I had committed to, if a I could just stop it, or slow it down. Or maybe I could plan a great vacation to just reset myself again and come back to the norm.

...... But its only for a little while.

Now with the state the world is in, our province is in and our city is in, the world has “stopped”. We have taken to isolation to flatten the curve and the biggest shift of all has happened for me, just like it has for you.

I’ve always been the type to have a jammed pack schedule. Booking myself Monday- Sunday in some form was just my way of life. I wasn’t always like this. It took time to build new h…

Speed Dating Killed the Online-Dating Star

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I walk into the basement of the bar.


It's basically empty, other than a couple men gathered around at a table. I can feel their eyes on me as I enter the room. I stare back. I'm nervous. Thankfully, I have a girlfriend who is also doing this with me and she knows the ropes. The host of the evening greets us, signs us in and tells us to pick a seat where there's a letter. We walk over to the table and I tell her to sit next to me because I want to be able to overhear some of her conversations throughout the night. We settle in and begin to really scan the room. I immediately turn to my girlfriend and say "Ok, I'm not nervous anymore." Any pre-speed dating anxiety I had washed away because in this moment I realize we're all just human going through this process together. And if you want my HONEST opinion, I can't say I was overly attracted to anyone--which clearly calmed my nerves. The women who came into the room next were the 'competition' and…

Table For One 2.0

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My quest for independence has been muted by the onset of summer, which leads to more patio gatherings, long nights out, and of course this leads to more socializing.
BUT!
I have been able to go to a movie by myself. At first, I did feel strange about it. Would people know I'm here by myself? Is everyone watching me as I buy my ticket? Yes, these thoughts did cross my mind. But I know this is more in my head than what is actually occurring. I bought my ticket, waited in line for popcorn (no one to share with-score!) and walked into the theater. 
Now if you're going to a movie by yourself, you might as well go big or go home. I picked a theater with the largest chairs, which recline, and was able to get myself settled without spilling any popcorn. *Side note, my baby legs did not let my feet touch the ground once the chair was reclined** 
I sat there in the dark feeling sorta awkward until the previews began. Then I realized, why do we go see a movie with people anyways? Its no…

Table For One

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Have you ever been out with friends or a significant other and noticed people dining alone? Or been to the movies and been envious of the person sitting alone with a large popcorn and they don't have to share? I'm going to be this person.

I've never been that independent. The nature of my personality lends itself to doing things with someone. Even walking I've got my dog by my side. I've come a long way from being very co-dependent to more independent over the last 4 years. But I'm not where I want to be. And here's the sad thing, I don't think I enjoy my own company. I don't like myself enough to spend time with myself. I prefer to hang with my buddies-but even this is a crutch I use for a distraction. If I make myself busy enough, I don't need to spend time just me, myself and I.

So, it's time for a little experiment. A little journey on the path to self love and getting to know myself more, while increasing my independence. And why not bl…

Dating Demise

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Addicted. The one word I could use to sum up an ongoing love affair with online dating.

I remember when I was with my significant other, (waaaaaaay back in 2012) I would say, "If we broke up, would you try online dating?" Even back then, when it was starting to become the norm, I thought of it as taboo. Why would anyone want to meet a stranger off the internet? How scary could it be? How weird would it be? How DESPERATE would it be? Of course, flash forward to just this past year, I was still doing the online dating gig. It would be TERRIBLE, and I'd delete all the apps (why limit myself to one?!) and cry into my pillow, or some sort of carbohydrate, in order to make myself feel worthy. 
After a couple months, or a couple weeks....heck, even a couple minutes, I would think , "OK, I'll try this again. This time it will be different. This time I won't invest so much. This time I'll act THIS way or this time I'll act THAT way." All a ploy to trick …

Unwinding in Solitude

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Life is a funny thing. It's meant for the living but most of us walk around like we're dead. I find myself in a world full of the most advanced technology, yet I'm lacking stimulation. Our society is full of diversity but my porridge is bland. I'm seeking a new thrill, an exciting emotion, a way for me to have a creative release. And it's hard to know what that is and in what form it will be. And so I sit alone. Alone with my thoughts, as the wind and the rain dance outside.Solitude.

I still struggle with the idea of letting go, with sending my cares to the wind and trusting all will work out. I like to force the issue, be in control. If the earth spins one way, I'm trying to spin it the opposite. And believe me, I don't give up easily. It's both a blessing and a curse. If I am determined, I am a force to be reckoned with. In one hand I see fate and in the other I see my control. Which hand do I shake with today? What hand do I use to turn the knob? 
Ye…

Destination: Self

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I first bought my ticket aboard the Crazy Train a year ago, in pursuit of the town known as Happily Ever After, population 2. The pamphlet makes it look like a little slice of heaven. Backyards with dogs who's tails wag. Houses with white picket fences. Children playing in the streets with trees that line the cement sidewalks. Yet, on this train ride, I didn't realize it would make pit stops at small hamlets known as Despair, Sadness, Anxiety, and this really interesting village known as Bat Shit Crazy. It has many tourist attractions. I found myself always waiting for this ride to end, in pursuit of my final destination. I'd ride through all these pit stops never really taking in all the sights or looking at what they had to offer. I just knew the train would eventually stop and I would know where to get off.

Recently the train stopped at a town called Self. Funny name. Sounds enticing. I decide to get off. My first steps into this town are surrounded by water. I feel a s…